for the amount of times guys completely fucking walk all over me, abuse the fact that regardless of the bad things that have happened to me in the past, i still have the capacity to trust and give all of myself, i should be broken completely. and while i know i’m not perfect and have been trying to mask how i truly feel about everything. i feel betrayed, but not enough that i will never be able to trust people again.

i know i’m resilient given all the shit i’ve had to deal with growing up. always second fiddle. i just want to be number one in someone’s eyes from the get-go. is that so much to ask for? i had a post here earlier but deleted it because i thought i was acting delusionally, turns out i was right. again. i know life isn’t fair but why do i and so many other people have to be on the receiving end? why do i have to be judged by the mistakes that someone emotionally inept made? someone who isn’t me.

every guy wants to have their cake and eat it too. you just wanted to fuck me. you just wanted me to make you feel better and i let myself get used.

why did you ask me to be your girlfriend if you knew you weren’t emotionally ready? why do people keep dangling me on a fucking string as if i don’t have feelings. why are my feelings always second? i always wear my heart on my sleeve, i can’t help it. that’s just the way i am. it’s a blessing and a curse because the highs are soaring but the lows are so rock bottom… just fuck it all. 

Posted on 24 October 2011